One of the most quickest and easiest ways to create a connection is discovering common ground. Doing so is not just about finding something superficial to chat about. It's about identifying shared values, experiences, interests, or even challenges that create a foundation. In new relationships, whether it's a new colleague, a potential friend, or someone you're just getting to know, touching on common ground can transform an awkward introduction into a building block for genuine friendship.
When you find common ground, it instantly creates a sense of familiarity and safety. We tend to trust people who seem similar to us in some way, making it easier to open up and be ourselves. This comfort is crucial for any relationship to flourish beyond a superficial level, providing a secure space to grow.
Shared experiences or beliefs allow us to understand another person's perspective more readily. For instance, if you both know the struggle of learning a new skill, you can empathize with their current challenges in a way someone without that experience might not.
Once you've found common ground, conversations naturally become more engaging and meaningful. You move past surface-level pleasantries to discussions that reveal more about who each person is—discussions of substance.
While we'll never agree on everything, having established areas of commonality can help us navigate disagreements. Knowing you share fundamental values or interests can remind you of the bigger picture, making it easier to discuss differences respectfully and find solutions. Your relationship has a stronger foundation, one that will help you weather storms.
One of the most intangible aspects of finding common ground is the genuine joy you feel when someone who "gets" you. You feel seen, understood, and part of a larger community. This combats feelings of isolation.
So how to go about finding common ground?
- Curiosity—Ask open-ended questions and genuinely listen to the answers. "What do you like to do for fun?" "What's been challenging for you lately?"
- Observation—Pay attention to what someone talks about with enthusiasm, what they wear, how they react
- Sharing—Be willing to share a little about yourself too. Connection is a two-way street that builds from both sides
- Patience—Not every conversation will immediately reveal deep common ground, and that's okay. Sometimes it emerges over time
In a world that often highlights our differences, consciously seeking common ground is an act of both defiance and self-care. It signals that you will not go willingly into a future of divisiveness and isolation, that you will contribute the the harmony and wellbeing of the world, one building block at a time.
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Today's Action Prompt: In your next conversation with someone new (or someone you want to know better), ask an open-ended question that might reveal a shared interest, value, or experience. Listen attentively to their response, looking for that solid shared ground to build on.