Gratitude for Prickly Pears
Contrary to what we might expect (or want), the people in our lives who we don't get along with can be surprisingly beneficial to our growth and development.It might be uncomfortable to admit, but people who irritate or frustrate us often reflect aspects of ourselves that we might not be aware of or want to acknowledge. Interacting with difficult individuals forces us to examine our own behavior, communication styles, and emotional responses. This helps us define our personal boundaries and spurs our progress.
The antagonists in our life are often referred to as “lessons” because they teach us in a variety of ways. They shine a light on conduct we find unacceptable in others or ourselves. Dealing with challenging people often requires us to remain calm and composed in the face of provocation, to dig deep into creative problem-solving so that we can find ways to navigate disagreements constructively. Doing so forces us to take stock of our values, which is something we should do regularly as we mature.
Your action prompt today is to select an approach from the list below to help you better get along with someone who rubs you the wrong way:
- Focus on the Lesson, Not the Person — Try to identify what you can learn from the interaction, even if you don't particularly "like" the person. Everything can be a metaphor, if you look for it
- Practice Empathy (without endorsing bad behavior) — Try to understand the other person's perspective, even if you don't agree with it. What might be driving their actions? How would you behave if you were in their situation?
- Set Boundaries — Protect your own wellbeing by establishing clear boundaries and limiting negative interactions when necessary. This takes practice and discernment. For example, empathetically listening to a friend rehearse the same woes day after day (without their taking any action) can wear you down. This does not benefit either party
- Focus on Your Reactions — You can't control others, but you can control how you react. Pay attention to your triggers and work on managing your responses. You won't always get it right, but with practice, you'll work your way to responding in a way you feel genuinely good about
- Seek out Support — Talk to trusted friends, family, or a confidant about your experiences to gain different perspectives and insights. Then evaluate what they've said and act accordingly. (Don't stay stuck in the same state as those folks mentioned in the Set Boundaries section above)
- Practice Forgiveness for both yourself and the other party — Forgive the other person for the sake of your own peace of mind, even if you two don't reconcile. Letting go of resentment and thoughts that are not constructive will lead to healthier interactions
Once you've selected your approach and implemented it, acknowledge your efforts to do better and note any improvement you see. Good for you for taking initiative and being the change you want to see in others.