Gratitude for What Lies Beneath
Sometimes we don’t have the courage to say what we truly mean, and we end up causing drama unnecessarily. At such times, we’re thankful for the person who can see through the smokescreen to what is really going on. Similarly, we are thankful for our own perspicacity when it comes to decoding the remarks and actions of others.
The truth is people don't always say exactly what they are thinking or feeling. They might soften their language or be indirect due to politeness, fear of confrontation, or emotional discomfort. In such cases, taking words at face value can lead to misinterpretations and unnecessary conflict. Understanding subtext allows you to grasp the speaker's true intentions, feelings, and needs. It can help you differentiate between sarcasm and sincerity.
By understanding the "why" behind someone's words, you can tailor your response to address their underlying concerns, leading to more productive and meaningful discourse. And when you understand someone's true needs and motivations, you can communicate in a way that resonates with them on a deeper level, making your communication more persuasive. You can address the root causes rather than just the surface-level arguments, leading to faster resolution and better interactions going forward.
This sort of focused and active listening requires (and develops) your emotional intelligence (EQ). You become more attuned to your own emotions as well as the emotions of others, improving your ability to manage relationships in a healthy way that builds mutual trust. Be aware, however, that your own experiences and assumptions can influence how you interpret others' words. Try to remain objective and open-minded. This can be easier said than done!
Your action prompt presented today may not happen immediately. Next time you have a conversation with someone about a sensitive subject, note their non-verbal modes of communication: their body language, where they look, their breath, the speed at which they speak, their tone.
How did the information you gleaned from their non-verbal communication align with their words? And when you’re ready, pay attention to your own non-verbal cues to discern what you may be hiding or withholding, and why.
What did you learn about yourself and your conversation companion after this exchange, and how can you use this information to improve your next interaction?
"People always use words to not say what they mean. They constantly use language to avoid saying the things that are true."
—Greta Gerwig